I took the summer off from my men's group and returned for the first time in 3 months and was greeted with projections & opinions. I felt good seeing everyone and then when we went into the clearing round (clearing the emotions/opinions that keeps us separate and acknowledging their historical roots, I got caught by a man who judged that the only reason I was there was because I had to and wanted me to prove to him I wanted to be there (something like tat).

I declined and that led to soeone standing me up and saying that they didn't trust me (because I didn't accept the other man's premise and coddle him by acceding to his request).

I paused and then blasted back who the hell they thought they were to project this crap on to me and expect me to operate to a different standard as others. What the hell did they want from me when I have told them of my struggles and my responsibilities to my family before when this had reared its head previously.

I come to group to be ordinary--to be a guy--and not to be dumped on. And lateer a man said that some former members and me were becoming the brunt of jokes--the ones about me involved my absenteeism and their opinion that I was using the system.

And then when I came home and Sharon tried to speak with me, I got made (and wide awake) when she kept suggesting that I might have been missing something, frustrating me into wakefulness.

I understand that these men want me there more often and if my circumstances were different, I would be. But they are what they are and I am choosing just like the others, to take care of my professional and personal responsibilities first.

And what I want is to be appreciated for the effort I put in so many places to serve so many including myself.
- posted by Unknown @ 12:15 AM