A new computer and new levels of stress. It's easy to install a new computer; it's hard to do it while protecting the equipment from a curious two year old who wants to bang on things to check them out. My stress this morning is high becaause the new computer wasn't delivered with the speakers or the data migration software so I'm left in limbo between the old and new.

And yesterday was frustrating because three interviews I had in progress all died and I have the one large one going on and am pinning my hopes to it. I need to get some action going and have multiple things to get caught up on--like getting this new box set up right. Like getting some new interviews. Like promoting the next networking meeting, my website's new features, like getting the process patent going. So much.
- posted by Unknown @ 6:32 AM

 
My mood has been a lot beter since the last training I lead. Frustration has not been pervasive even though I have not had a lot of success at work. It feels like I have emotionally shifted and I feel more confident. Even last night when Jack was overtired and I couldn't get him to sleep and had to wait until Sharon got home and could take him for a ride, I didn't get frustrated or angry. It is different within me.


- posted by Unknown @ 6:04 AM

 
I had a fun day yesterday and got home at around 10:30. Spent some time with my men's group at play (at a bar across from our normal meeting place in the Village) and just being stupid with one another. I got home yesterday and Sharon was asleep on the couch. And Jack woke up a few minutes later and we heardhim say, "Mommy! Mommy!" and that meant a ight on the couch.

I'm doing a lot and it seems effortless. I'm feeling some envy for a friend who has been involved with the sale of his business twice in the past few years, each time a firm buying the place and him remaining as a minority partner and able to take cash out. I'm wrestling and he works his nuts off and I wish it were a better financial time for me.

Time to make it happen.
- posted by Unknown @ 8:21 AM

 
Yesterday was pretty good and prety busy. I finally ordered a new computer (yeah!). Doing that empties out some stress from me. I came home and did barbecue. Sharon was in a better mood because she was finally satisfied with how her hair looked after going to see her hairdresser agin on Eastern LI. It was fun to hear that Jack played miniature golf. Especially after seeing that old tape of tiger Woods at Jack's age. I gave him his bath last night and he doused me pretty well in a playful way.

I started to put him to sleep when Sharon returned from the library and finished it off.

There are too many special moments in life thtat can be missed if I don't pay attention.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:52 AM

 
It's been a few days since I sat down to blog. A vacation! It started rough with a rainy Saturday and an argument with Sharon over my unwilingness to wait o a long line in the rain at the Museaum of natural History. Let me back track, I left work early on Friday and had a pleasant saturday AM. Sharon went to class on Saturday morning. I met her at the end of class at 11:30. Jack was cute. i met my friends with whom I had not been able to attend class this year, choosing to be a father instead and spend time with Jack at his school.

We met at 11:30 and it was delightful. I even found parking easily! Dan's wife Julie and sone, William also were there and it was fun seeing Dan's kid. We had lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant and went to the museum and argued over my unwillingness to wait online. We instead went to the children's museum where Jack got cut on a jagged piece of lucite left at his level in the ticket area. And the museum was as boring as ever--it's a politically correct kid's museum and Sharon esented every moment. We argued on the walk there and on the drive home before deciding again we love one another and each of us sharing our experience of what happened without malice.

The rest of the weekend was very nice. Complete with a movie (Bend it Like Beckham) and dinner out two nights and fun with Jack. Tomorrow, I'm back to work and don't dread it. I'm mentally and physically relaxed and ready to win.

- posted by Unknown @ 9:39 PM

 
What a relief to collect money. So far this year, all I've collected has been some small advances for each of the starts I've had. All my deals have been sitting on the street waiting for large companies to pay. It was exciting when I got an emai saying my February deal was in and that another one was in. But I started to fly when I found two others were also in. Even after deducting for the advances and for insurance, i should have at least $15000 coming to me next Friday. I flew all day on the thought.

And now I find I have two things going--a consultant and a fultime deal that can replace some of the money I'm collecting PLUS the big deal going back next friday and a few people going out. BOY! I just want to keep a flow going.

I came home and dinner was almost ready, I played with Jack, bathed him, went out for a snack and did a little putter on the computer before coming downstairs and watching PBS for most of the hour of the show before falling asleep in the chair. It was a good day and a long weekend coming up.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:25 AM

 
Yesterday, I worked hard, networked and had fun. I had lunch with a former colleague and confirmed what I expected--I'm doing better in sales tahn most of my former colleagues. I came back and spoke for an hour with a Warrior in California about how to improve post weekend integration groups and bnelieved a lo of my ideas were heard. I worked some more and came home and ran around with jack did a little work and watched the Yankees beat the Red Sox. only thing that cuuld have been better would have been sex and the Devils winning in oivertime.

I like the way things are evolving . . . other than that Jack just woke up. I wish he slept later.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:28 AM

 
I'm home by 6 and finished a barbecue and now Sha is giving him a bath.

I feel terrific because I took some time for myself today and had lunch outdoors on a beautiful day. I have isolated too much instead of connecting with people--what I like about my work is connecting with people and it is hard to do that when you are overwhelmed with cheeping birdies wanting attention.

The past two days, I have experienced two crackpots who were critical in one case because I couldn't help him get a job yet and in another case, I don't know why. I can just be polite a compassionate to people while they struggle because I understand the struggle because I, too have been.

Yet coming home and seeing Sharon at the end of the block with that little guy next to her is wonderful.


- posted by Unknown @ 7:26 PM

 
Fun and discouragement. I did good yesterdau and I'm struggling with expectations. i made calls to do business development. I have the large deal in the fire and continuing to its next step in a week and a half. I have other stuff going on and I want to be closing moe and collecting more. I want my website to be getting some advertising and I want. i want. I want. My wants involve quick, easy gratification. Again, this theme shows up.

And yesterday had a few nice moments. Reaching out to Marc and reminding him of something he has said he wanted to do and hearing his tone of voice as he felt supported. Speaking with Alex about his weekend experience, A bunch of small contacts wih honest comunications and good outcomes.

And then my wants get me bogged down.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:00 AM

 
Expectations. Yesterday was a tough day because my expectations got in the way. Sharon went to a lecture in the morning and had the idea that jack was ready for his nap. She took him in the car to make sure and he had head bobs but didn't go to sleep.Because i kept trying to get Jack to sleep and he wouldn';'t, I got exhausted and frustrated, anxious for Sharon to return. If I hadn't gottuen the idea in my head that Jack was ready for a nap, then I would not have gotten frustratted and exhausted.

A good lesson.
- posted by Unknown @ 6:06 AM

 
Ah, a late start to my blogging. Sharon's in school; Jack is napping and I'll try to wake him in about 15 minutes. Yesterday was a solid day on all levels. Although a few interviews have fallen away, one person from whom I would earn a huge fee is being brought back for a final interview. In the past few hours, I've updated my website to add a new feature (synopsis of people and their experience linked to a resume) and started polling HR people and technology recruiters for their sense of the marketplace. A Sharon hada chance to go out with friends last night for dinner and have some more fun while I watched the little guy.

I am doing a lot of things to build my business and to execute my plan and not getting run down from my work. It is exciting and hopeful to say the least. I was on a 3:00 train yesterday, working from the house by 4. I put Jack to bed and he was asleep by 8 and although I needed to sleep on the couch last night because he was crying just as we were about to go bed, so he wound up in my spot again.

I can't believe Memorial Day is next weekend!

Sharon just called and is on the 2:04 train. It will be a ice afternoon.
- posted by Unknown @ 2:06 PM

 
And we rode in together on the 7:02. Jack stayed in a seat for the entire ride. YEAH!!!!!!

Later, they came to the office and we had lunch and Jack ran up and down the halls and explored and was generally cute and they left. Sharon was more vital being able to take Jack aay from home and sill being able to function. The difference was very noticeable. I came home on the 5:19, barbecued some chicken burgers and Jack went to sleep by 8 and I was dozing by 9:30.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:35 AM

 
I'm up before 5, knowing that we'll be leaving early so that we all ride in a 7AM train for Sharon's session.

Yesterday was a terrific day, ending particularly well when I had a chace to go to igroup. It was fun to be able to share my success leading a Warrior weekend with them, swellling with pride about some of the directions in my life. I have gotten a handle on what I need to do o enjoy life and my work and how to be more successful, yet took time to show care when at 9:15 last night when I was tired and heading for my train home, I saw a woman runing to catch the W home, knowing she might miss it and held a door open for her instead of consciously or unconciously letting the moment and the train doors shut.

I returned home and just as I was about to go to bed, Jack woke and I lost my place to him and slept o the couch. And, for 1 night, it didn't matter.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:13 AM

 
I didn't have much time with Jack yesterday. Last night, Sharon was seeing a patient so the goal is to tire him out so he goes to sleep early, before her session. I got home at around 6 and he was asleep by 7. Then, I promptly went about shutting Sharon down when she was about to start her session by not etting her play "My existence is more difficult than yours." Right now, headhunting seems to be drudgery. I receive lots of useless resumes for jobs and do triage all day long. I'm working on other projects, but they're almost all at nascent phases and require time and effort to bring to life

I hope a few work because the idea of spending the next twenty years or so doing work I don't enjoy any more doesn't seem like a good way to spend my life.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:49 AM

 
My therapy session was very helpful. I arived feeling lethargic and Gerry helped me tby acknowledging his difficulty with helping me to this point abd then spoke of an article he was teaching and told me that he had the idea that i fit one of the classifications of someone who was basically very successful and had capability but whose superego introjects interfered. It felt like so accurate; I felt understood and appreciated. I left feeling strong and powerful because I felt like I had a map to feeling better. My troubles had started with a controlling mother who had worked to crush my spirit to get me to behave and had done so well thatshe had harmed me.

So the rest of my day moved well; although I have too much to do, I floated through all the calls and al the emails even though I don't often see the connection that the ob seeker does when he/she sends a resume. I set up the first list for the poll and added a website page to prepare for my new service there. All told, I got a lot done and was able to come home and play with Jack while dinner was being prepared.

Today, I slept to the alarm, something I rarely do.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:48 AM

 
Her impulsiveness and moods have an affect upon me that makes it hard for me at times and when I protect myself and my needs, I hurt her. On Friday night, I was critical of Sha when I discouraged her from talking so much and she was severely wounded. As we played together on Friday, I felt a residue and so did she until Sunday. I gave her cards for Mother's Day, and she criticized the one I gave her from Jack and liked the one I gave her. It seemed to turn a corner with her. She went o yoga and Jack was napping when she got home so she had time away from him yesterday. I don't like having to jump through hoops, but she she's very sensitive around Mother's Day and doesn't take to being honored very well.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:32 AM

 
I'm seeing bigger things now. Yes, there is the day-to-day of being a recruiter but there is also the idea of doing a book about interviewing and job hunting tat came from the tips offered by Wednesday's group. Why not take my years of experience and package it into a book?

Jack was tired when I got home last night but struggled to fall asleep. He went down at 8:50 and we spent time talking with Sharon's sister Robin with whom Sharon had gone for a walk earlier.

I am enjoying the simpler things of spending time with friends and my family but there is the vision, too.
- posted by Unknown @ 6:07 AM

 
Last night's group was smooth. Lot's of energy from the participants and the two hours flew by. I like helping the people in the group and offered leads to them that didn't have to do with my getting a fee. At least two of them were happily surprosed to see leads like that and one thanked me. There were lots of smiles and passion. They have a chance to be important again when they speak and we help them to feel powerful.

Jack woke up unready to be awake. His bed was wet and he cried and he now seems to be eiher asleep or wiling to lye down the Sha so he's still tired. I'll be home on time tonight and look forward to playing with him.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:33 AM

 
There is more I have to do and less willingness to do it.

For the first time in my life, I'm thinking about how to retire and what to do. It's not quiting; it's age. Yesterday, I forgot a name.I'm running fast to stay in place. I can't win this race ythe way I'm doing it; I need to change my technique and work on some different things.

Jack was so cranky last night when I ot in at around 6:45. He doesn't seem completely well after his latest illness. Fortunately, he's not getting sick as often as he did before,

This weekend at the Warior training, I magnificently held the center of the containerl I lead without having to pull the chain hard but pull it I did. I spoke passionately and regally to the staff and the new men recognized me for who I am. I was inspiring to me to be in this space.

Tonight, I have another and different opportunity to lead with the networking group. I have the idea that this can be another business and want to keep leading from behind by not "driving the train, but my sensitively leading the attendees to action.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:11 AM

 
My first day back at work was as I expected it. Boring.

I'm a good recruiter and extremely competent at what I do yet that is not enough for me. I want to be bigger than just a phone jockey. I want to be excellent at my business and have ideas beyond what I am doing now that I want to implement. I am frustrated by the grind of work, not by the people I speak with but by the need for the repetition and tedium.

And when I came home, Jack was awake but barely, even though I was home by 5:45. We played for a few minutes and he went up for his bath. I read stories to him and he fell asleep as I did. Sharon went to yoga and he woke up once while she was out. We went to bed and then there was the inevitable wake up during the night that sent me down to the couch where I woke just before 5AM.
- posted by Unknown @ 5:31 AM

 
I got back last night from several days away leading a New Warrior Training Adventure. Jack got sick while I was away and rana fever of as much as 104. Sharon was on constant work detail. jack gave me a big smile when he saw me in Glenn's car as we pulled up. We ate and played and hung out and he fell asleep. We were happy to see one another and he asked me if I had been at a "wa-wa-wa-wa weekend". Sharon, on the other hand, was exhausted.

It will be hard returning to the grind.
- posted by Unknown @ 12:56 PM