The end of the weekend approaches. I was up extreemly early and could't get back to sleep. We were taken to dinner by Peter and Claire to James Beard House where I participated in a feast atht was sooooooo wonderful. Tuna Carpaccio, Lobster Risotto, quaill and venison plus a chocolate torte tat ws wonderful. Jack was asleep when we got home which capped the evening perfectly. Yet I was up at 4 because I had jad coffee to stay awake for last evening. Jack and I spent the early morning with one another and caught a ride to the meditation center in Huntington from Robin.

Although it was a little hard not to doze during meditation, Togden's teachings were wonderful! Jack napped on the return and for a total of two hours giving us a bit of a break. Tomorrow, the holiday ends and I have to get back to helping people find work and companies find people to help accomplish their objectives.
- posted by Unknown @ 9:07 PM

 
Thanksgiving weekend. Friday. The day after the "gorge-a-thon" that I didn't gorge myself at. Jack has been more frightened lately. Yesterday, a poster scared him and a large stuffed animal did. This morning, he was up at 4:45. Sharon spent time with him then and I took over at 6:45 so that she could meditate.He is testing more and challenging more. Not in terrible ways. Just more of trying to be an almost three year old. At times, I feel like yelling. Like when he just threw something in exuberance across the room almost breaking something.

How can I teach someone else to cope with being a father? I struggle alot myself and wind up thinking that my job is babysitting him between naps and meals until I can get him to sleep. It's almost 2:30 and he has been napping since 10:45. It's Sharon's day to occupy him while I catch up on work.

And, I'm finding that it is time to start to reduce my involvement in a number of things and move on. I am finding that some of the people I am coming into contact with see my brilliance or have heard I have it and, want to suck upon me.


- posted by Unknown @ 2:47 PM

 
It has been a feew weeks since I spent time updating my blog. It feels good to connect here, but time is prescious between work, family and all the things I take on in responsibility.

So here I am, having led a New Warrior Training Adventure (www.mkp.org), being the symbol of leadership for these men, coming hoime, re-connecting with my son, with work and with my life again. I feel busy today.

Yesterday, I spent a lot of the day with Jack and little with myself. I read, but that was an escape while Jack watched tv. I wanted him to nap and the impact of his beingawakeed by a friendly visitor next door has cascaded to today. Because he didn't nap, I read and dozed and escaped from fatherhood. Sharon came home and I took him shopping at BJ's, kept him up and he fell asleep at 7:30. That was good.

Sharon went to sleep early, I went to sleep officially at 10:45. She woke at 2:30 AM when he did, entertained him for as longh as she could waking me at 4:50 for help so that she could sleep for an hour before going to the meditation center. He's napping now, but I'll have to wake him soon to get ready for his day with Sharon.

I haven't meditated for several days and when I did it was very brief. I need to sit still for a while before starting my work today. I notice the feeling of stress from being "yanked at" by different features of life, all wanting my attention.

Buddhism has helped me connect with myself in ways that nothing else has.
- posted by Unknown @ 8:42 AM

 
How do you look at a father's life and truly understand? My Dad is 90 and has hada re-occurrence of colon cancer. After our not speaking for more than a year becauise he was unwillingness to accept Jack as my son, he appeared on my cell phone one morning to re-connect. SO I have guardedly started to make contact with him and eventually with my mother who was even more adamant in her bigotry toward my boy.

So how do I return to love and accept a man who was so kind to me until his later later life? A man so accepting and then became so cruel at such a meaningful point over something so seemingly unimportant as a foreskin?

My Dad will die soon and it will feel hard to weep for a while because of the harm that that hurt felt like. And I will cry because although I understand that he isa man and he has faults, he is my Daddy and I have loved him. It is hard to forget those times where we went for walks and he took my picture and guarded me against my tyrant mother.
- posted by Unknown @ 9:12 PM