KIND WORDS
Speak Up For Your Rights


"I Guess They Find You Everywhere"
The author wishes to remain anonymous
Edited by Shmuel Greenbaum
Printed with Permission of http://www.PartnersInKindness.org

I am the kind of person that people look to for help and friendship. I must admit that many times I get too involved.

One day recently sticks out in my mind as being particularly frustrating. A friend who is separated from her husband and really doesn’t need my help was taking up a lot of my time at the same time that many other people were bugging me with their problems.

I went out to buy a greeting card at a farmer's market. I was reading the cards in the card isle when I heard a vo! ice say "hello can you help me?"

I thought "now what?" There, next to me, stood a disabled person with braces on his legs. He had a small problem reading and he asked me to read some cards to him. So I helped him. "It is so funny," I thought to myself, "what is wrong with me that everyone wants help from me? I am a two time cancer survivor, unemployed 40ish woman not a very important person in this world what can I give a person like this?"

The funny thing about it is that all that he wanted was my time. My new friend was so happy and excited to find a special card for his mom and a small gift of a poem written on a scroll. As he went on his way my husband came up behind me and smiled and laughed and said "I guess they find you everywhere" I replied "I guess they do" as I went to the register and paid for my purchases.


"Speak Up For Your Rights"
From: Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives: Formulas, stories, and insights
By: Zelig Pliskin
Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

One of my students asked me this question:

I’m afraid that if I view myself as a kind person, I will have to give to others all the time. I am happy to help others whenever I can. But I don’t like the idea of having to give in to the demands and requests of anyone who wants anything from me. If I find myself in a situation where there is a conflict of interests between what I would like and what someone else would like, do you mean to tell me that I should always give in and never assert my rights?

We definitely have a right to stick up for our rights. But always do so with respect for the other person.

If you have a question about whether or not it would be! proper for you to act a certain way, consult with an objective authority. But in principle keep in mind that we are not obligated to give in to the unreasonable demands of another person. Even if a demand is reasonable, if you will suffer a loss you don’t have to automatically give in. Since there will be many dilemmas in these areas, it is imperative to find a wise and experienced authority to consult.

Some people find it difficult to speak up for their rights. To overcome their reluctance to do so, they might react with out of character aggressiveness. It is exactly their tendency to avoid speaking up for themselves that could cause an angry outburst. Speak pleasantly and respectfully when negotiating for your rights.

While no one wants to be taken advantage of, for some people it is a super high priority not to be considered a sucker. The very thought of being taken advantage of makes them shudder with mortification. It is important for them to make it an equally ! high priority not to speak disrespectfully to another human being.

When claiming your rights, be careful to do so with a pleasant tone of voice. Even if you are upset, make an extreme effort to speak in the way you would wish to be spoken to.

Some ways of expressing yourself are:

• "Perhaps you didn’t realize it, but I was here first."

• "I’m afraid that I can’t agree to this."

• "I hear your request. But at this time I am not able to say yes."

• "I’m sorry. The terms that are offered do not make it worthwhile."

• "I’m certain that if you were in my shoes, you would likewise turn down the offer."

• "I would like to give you what you want, but circumstances don’t allow for it."

• "Please don’t do that again."

• "I appeal to your sense of justice and fair play. Please respect my rights just as I will respect yours."

One of my students told me! the following:

I would let others treat me like a doormat. I felt that I was doing the righteous thing. Then an elderly scholar who saw me being taken advantage of told me, "Every situation is a test of our character. Even how we speak up for ourselves. Failing to defend your rights would be a sign that you don’t feel good enough about yourself. Sticking up for yourself aggressively isn’t proper. Be assertive and be persistent. And do it all with a sense of mutual respect."

Hearing this from a righteous person gave me the knowledge that I had a right to defend my rights. Even though I was strongly criticized by my adversary, I realized he was speaking from his bias, rather than stating a valid position.


- posted by Unknown @ 6:12 AM